Be Gentle With Yourself | Self-Love and Inner Compassion

As you may have read in my last blog post, hearing people say things like, “I have a little Heidi sitting on my shoulder,” or “I hear your voice in my head,” is what prompted me to reflect on the importance of discernment: learning to trust ourselves rather than relying solely on what others tell us.

And…while that’s true…I have to admit—I do love when people share this with me.

But not for the reason you might think.

The Voice We Carry on Our Shoulder

I love it because of what follows. When someone tells me what “my voice” is saying to them, it’s almost always something rooted in kindness, compassion, and grace.

For those who know me or have worked with me, you know this is what I consistently encourage: be gentler with yourself.

Why We Hold Ourselves to a Higher Standard

Because the truth is, many of us hold ourselves to a much higher standard than we hold others. Sometimes those standards are achievable. Debatably sustainable. But often, they are exhausting, and not always chosen with intention.

The expectations we carry are shaped by our family of origin and life experiences: how we’ve learned to interpret both positive and painful moments.

How Our Past Shapes Our Inner Dialogue

For example:
“I never want to feel that embarrassed again.”
The meaning we might attach? Asking for help isn’t safe.

“I never want to feel rejected or excluded again.”
The meaning becomes: stay guarded, build walls, don’t let people in too easily.

You get the idea.

When Your Inner Voice Becomes Your Critic

Over time, these associations begin to shape the way we speak to ourselves. That inner dialogue can become critical, negative, even shaming, constantly evaluating our decisions, conversations, and choices.

So when I show up on someone’s shoulder, I know the voice they’re hearing is saying:

• Be kind to yourself.
• Offer yourself compassion.
• Have grace for what works out and for what doesn’t.

What Self-Love Actually Looks Like

As I sit here writing this, I realize I initially thought this blog would be about our inner voice and the standards we hold.

But it’s deeper than that.

This is about self-love.
About acceptance.
About appreciating who we are and how we show up.

I can honestly say that in my formative years and even into adulthood, I didn’t have consistent models of healthy self-love. Thinking kindly about myself has been, and still is, something I practice with intention.

I’ve measured my worth against others, and just when I get close, I move the bar higher. Never quite “there.”

What a drain of time and energy. And more importantly, it’s not realistic or necessary.

Your Worth Is Not Up for Question

Your worth—my worth—is not determined by achievements, money, accolades, titles or possessions.

You are worthy because you exist. Because you are here, on this planet, at this time.

That matters.

Figuring out your purpose may matter too. (Maybe that’s one of my core values—I’m still sitting with that.)

Showing Up as Your Most Authentic Self

For me, part of that purpose is helping people reconnect with their most authentic and loving self. It’s bearing witness to their pain, confusion, joy, dreams, and challenges. It’s co-holding those experiences in a safe space until they’re ready to alchemize them, grounding back into who they truly are.

And from there, stepping into the world as their most genuine self.

(Not perfect—because perfect doesn’t exist, and it leaves no room for growth.)

So if my voice shows up in your ear, know this:

• I will always champion your highest good, based on what you want for yourself.
• I will encourage a voice of kindness, compassion, and grace in every situation.
• And I will remind you that it’s okay to miss the mark sometimes. You can recover. You can try again.

Always.

And if you feel called to soften the parts of you that have become critical, I would be honored to support you through therapy or Reiki, just reach out to me.