You asked me, “Are there any pink elephants between us?”
You said that once I made the decision, I looked lighter. That I felt lighter.
You assumed it was because I was relieved to have made the decision.
But my relief came from no longer feeling overlooked.
My relief came from choosing to reclaim my self-worth—instead of waiting for you to recognize it.
My role in this?
Was I too passive?
Unclear about my goals?
Always knowing what I didn’t want, but never clearly naming what I did?
I thought I was being respectful of your position.
I wanted this place. I wanted this work.
I will have a place and this work.
I now have the opportunity to learn from new teachers.
Let me be clear:
My “next” began the moment I realized there was no longer anything for me here.
Yeah...that was an eye-opening time in my life.
At that point, I felt like I was so close to the work I truly wanted. But each step forward was met with resistance—undermining, undervaluing. And I allowed it...until I didn’t.
I thought I was being dutiful—honoring the mission, the teachings, the collective work. I believed I was learning to let go of ego, labels, and titles. But those rules only seemed to apply to me—some self-imposed, and others reinforced by how I was treated.
The 2022 version of me felt gutted. Hurt. Angry. Lost.
I spiraled into narratives of comparison, resentment, and jealousy.
I discovered some people I expected to have my back didn’t.
And I learned exactly who did.
Now, in 2025, I have so much empathy for that earlier version of myself.
In my heart, I want her to know: I’m proud of you.
Even though it felt like you were forced into a decision, you made it—and you’ve grown from it.
You realized how easily you let others determine your value.
You saw how quickly you were willing to give up what you wanted—to make room for others or avoid rocking the boat.
I’m still working through those themes—but with less distress and more clarity.
You might be wondering why I’m sharing this now. What’s the point?
This is what parts work looks like in real life.
In a previous blog, I shared the importance of connecting with earlier versions of ourselves—how honoring those parts can support healing and growth. This moment was one of those check-ins.
I had been someone who felt unseen, unheard, misunderstood, and used.
I didn’t know how to create my own sense of empowerment.
Instead, I handed over my power to others—waiting for them to tell me who I was or what I was worth.
I’m no longer that person.
I no longer carry the same resentment, anger, or pain.
Do I feel a sense of sadness for what could have been? Yes.
But I also hold the truth that what’s happening now is exactly where I’m meant to be—and exactly what I’m meant to be navigating.
This is growth.
This is honoring my past self, and helping her heal.
If you’ve found yourself holding pain from a past version of you—or feeling stuck in old patterns of self-doubt, overgiving, or waiting for external validation—you’re not alone.
Through therapy or Reiki, I offer a space to help you reconnect with your inner knowing, tend to the parts of you that need healing, and build a more grounded sense of self-worth from within.
You can reclaim your voice. You can integrate your experiences. And you can move forward with more clarity, compassion, and peace.
If you’re ready to explore this kind of healing work, contact me, I’d be honored to support you.