Rethinking "Self-Care"

I have such an aversion to the word self-care. Not because I don’t believe in it, but because of how it's been twisted into something...gross (for lack of a better word). We’re often sold the idea that if we just did “more,” we’d feel better. That a candlelit bubble bath will magically make everything okay.

Self-care, at its core, refers to the actions we take to maintain our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. And that’s important—crucial, even—if you take out the heavy layers of family-of-origin baggage and societal messaging that often come along with it:

• “Lazy people need self-care.”
• “If you just managed your time better, you wouldn’t need self-care.”
• “Needing self-care means you’re weak.”
• “Self-care is selfish.”

These unspoken beliefs hijack the real meaning of self-care. And let’s be honest—they keep us from giving ourselves what we actually need.

In the book What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry—a powerful exploration of trauma and how experiences shape us—they talk about self-care not as a luxury or indulgence, but as an act of nervous system regulation.

To quote Oprah: “Aha!”

Exactly. When you're feeling depleted, overwhelmed, spread too thin, or like your wheels are spinning in mud—that’s not just stress. It’s a sign of nervous system dysregulation.

Why the Nervous System Matters

Your nervous system is your body’s communication network. It controls:

• Sensory input and processing
• Motor output
• Basic regulatory functions (like breathing and heart rate)
• Higher functions like thought, memory, learning, and emotion

In other words, it literally regulates everything.

When your body, heart, mind, and soul are in a dysregulated state, it’s incredibly hard to access the energy or motivation to do “self-care.” Your system can’t process more input. So even if you do take the bubble bath or read the book or take the day off, your body might not be able to receive it in a meaningful way.

So...How Do We Regulate Our Nervous System?

Here are some simple, science-backed ways to support and regulate your nervous system. Think of these not as things to add to your to-do list, but as ways to reconnect with your body, moment by moment.

1. Deep Breathing
   Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system—the one responsible for your “rest and digest” state. There are tons of breathing techniques out there. If one doesn’t work for you, try another. (Ask me about the “hitched breathing” technique that’s changed everything for me!)
   
   
2. Meditation and Mindfulness
   These practices bring you into the present moment, calming your body and mind. Even a few minutes can make a difference. Reiki is also a beautiful way to connect to and calm your nervous system.
   
   
3. Physical Movement
   Moving your body helps release tension and elevate mood. This doesn’t mean a gym workout—it can be gentle stretching, dancing around the kitchen, or just walking with intention.
   
   
4. Connecting with Nature
   Being outside—sunlight, fresh air, green spaces—has a deeply calming effect on the nervous system. It lowers stress hormones and can even reduce blood pressure.
   
   
5. Prioritizing Sleep
   Your nervous system needs sleep to recover and function well. Make rest a non-negotiable part of your routine.
   
   
6. Mindful Eating
   Listening to your body’s hunger and fullness cues, and nourishing it with real food, supports both physical and mental health.
   
   
7. Social Connection (or Solitude)
   Spending time with safe, supportive people can soothe the nervous system. But so can honoring your need for alone time. Tune into what you need—and respect it.

Final Thoughts

True nervous system regulation isn’t something you save for a Friday afternoon off work. It’s not just a bath or a massage or a vacation.

It’s a practice.

I challenge you to look for ways to weave nervous system care into the fabric of your daily life. Let it be small. Let it be consistent. Let it be yours so you can shine your light from within.

Want support finding your version of real self-care? Reach out—I offer Reiki and compassionate guidance to help you tune in to what you truly need.